Those Crazy Republicans
Mitt Romney’s victory in Michigan has turned the Republican presidential race into a wide open affair, with three different candidates having now won a state. If Fred Thompson surges in South Carolina and Rudy Giuliani’s lead holds up in Florida, all bets are off. A last minute candidate could jump right in and steal the nomination. Here are some possibilities, in no particular order.
Condoleezza Rice
For months now, the Democrats have droned on and on about how their party is about to make history by nominating either an African American or a woman. As an African American woman, Secretary of State Rice would bring a doubly historic presence to the race. Besides, Ms. Rice had a tough talk with al Maliki in Iraq while her boss was kicking in Kuwait last week. And she already has the keys to the Oval Office.
Chuck Norris
Walker, Texas Ranger has been propping up Mike Huckabee’s campaign for months now, and it’s Chuck’s turn to take the reins. Norris would fix the big mess in Washington by opening up a few cans of whoopass. He’d also make history as the first bearded President in over a hundred years.
King Kong
The Big Ape knows how to watch over New York City. As the name suggests, King Kong has experience as a Supreme Ruler of the land, and wouldn’t let Congress chain him down. Kong hopes that voters will overlook his past run-ins with the law, and instead focus on his economic policies. As the first President of species Megaprimatus kong, King’s election would turn the page on a new chapter in our country’s history.
Dick Cheney
It’s time for the Wizard to step out from behind the curtain. Hey, we talked him out of retirement once when he took over Halliburton, running the country shouldn’t be any more difficult.
Jimmy Johnson/Jimmie Johnson
Pair the former NFL coach with the 2007 Nextel Cup Champion, and you’ve got a dynamic duo. Nascar dads and football moms would have plenty of time to vote because the election’s on a Tuesday.
Seabiscuit
Every race needs a scrappy dark horse candidate.
Republicans, Mitt Romney, Fred Thompson, Rudy Giuliani, Condoleezza Rice, Chuck Norris, King Kong, Dick Cheney, Jimmy Johnson, Jimmie Johnson, Seabiscuit
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